i dont read the reviews. no im not singing for you.

i love brontis

2005-05-12T14:54:01Z

i have a friend named brontis. he lives far away from me and that makes me sad cause i miss him. everytime i see that hes updated his livejournal it makes me really happy. i dont like when hes sad because i love him and want him to be happy all the time. i want to go to nyc this summer and visit him and love him. i want him to be happy all the time and to know how much i love him. also i want to thank him, because last year when i didnt go to school he talked to me online all day and made me feel less lonely and loved. and whenever hes sad i want him to remember how much i love him.

i love you brontis!

ps. 2 months til hp6!!

stolen from olivia

2005-01-23T19:56:44Z

LAST PERSON WHO...
x. Slept in your bed: me and my puppy
x. Saw you cry: my dog
x. Made you cry: math
x. You shared a drink with: probably nelson
x. You went to the movies with: my dad and michael - hotel rwanda. yeah i cried for 2 hours straight.
x. You went to the mall with: i went to chipotle which is in the mall with raedun, lana, and anna for lunch on wed.
x. Yelled at you: my dad
x. Sent you an e-mail: skidmore

RANDOM TID BITS...
x. Do you have a crush on someone: oui
x. What book are you reading now: cats eye by margaret atwood
x. Worst feeling(s) in the world: anxiety
x. Future son's name: noah, riley, dodge, others
x. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: yeah a bear that plays music and snores. and my animal blanket
X. Whats under your bed: a bunch of random shit?
x. Favorite sports to watch: swimming and gymnastics
x. Siblings: nelson =]
x. Location: mclean?
x. College plans: ugh
x. Piercing/tattoos: three ear piercings
x. Boyfriend/girlfriend: yesss

EXTRA STUFF...
x. Do you do drugs: havent in awhile
x. Do you drink: from time to time
x. Who are your best friends: ugh
x. What are you most scared of: this one picture of abraham lincoln in my history text book last year
x. What clothes do you sleep in: tshirt and pj pants
x. Where do you want to get married: outside somewhere pretty
x. Who do you really hate: hate.. two. strongly dislike.. two
x. Do you drive: yeah
x. Do you have a job: coaching kinda
x. Do you like being around people: not really. humanity as a whole makes me sad. especially the part of humanity that goes to mclean
x. Are you for world peace: no i like people killing other people? um yeah

STUFF...
x. Have you ever liked someone you had no chance with: ...
x. Have you ever cried over someone of the opposite sex: ...
x. Do you have a "type" of person you always go after: not really
x. Want someone you don't have right now: yes.
x. Are you lonely right now: yes.
x. Song thats stuck in your head a lot: haligh haligh a lie haligh by bright eyes haha
x. Do you want to get married: yes

FAVORITE...
x. Room in house: my room.
x. Type(s) of music: punk, emo, indie, MUSICALS, pop, some rap
x. Band(s): too many
x. Color: purple or black
x. Month: may, june, october.
x. Stone: sapphirre

IN THE LAST 72 HOURS, HAVE YOU...
x. Cried: cant remember. probably
x. Bought something: at lunch on friday raedun and i decided we deserved cookies
x. Gotten sick: i have a cold
x. Sang: yeah i was in a bright eyes mood yesterday
x. Wanted to tell someone you loved them: yes. family, michael, dogs
x. Met someone new: no
x. Missed someone: yes.
x. Hugged someone: yes
x. Kissed someone: no =/

a few of my resolutions

2005-01-05T17:54:24Z

In the year 2005 I resolve to:

Start working on the street corner.

Get your resolution here

and

In the year 2005 I resolve to:

Become one with my inner sociopath.

Get your resolution here

cesspool_ineden @ 2004-12-06T02:24:00

2004-12-06T07:24:52Z

broken this fragile thing now.
and i cant, i cant pick up the pieces.
and ive thrown my words all around.
but i cant, i cant give you a reason

i feel so broken up, so broken up
and i give up, i give up
i just want to tell you so you know.

here i go.
scream my lungs out and try to get to you
you are my only one.
i let go.
theres just no one that gets me like you do.
you are my only, my only one.

made my mistakes, let you down.
and i cant, i cant hold on for too long.
ran my whole life in the ground.
and i cant, i cant get up when youre gone.

and somethings breaking up, breaking up.
i feel like giving up, like giving up.
i wont walk out until you know.

here i go.
scream my lungs out and try to get to you
you are my only one.
i let go.
theres just no one that gets me like you do.
you are my only, my only one.

here I go so dishonestly.
leave a note for you my only one.
and I know you can see right through me.
so let me go and you will find someone.

here i go.
scream my lungs out and try to get to you
you are my only one.
i let go.
theres just no one that gets me like you do.
you are my only, my only one.

i missed you so badly i dont think i can put it into words. thank you for being a part of my life again. i love you more than you will ever know or believe.

ill be outside waiting for you.

2004-12-03T17:54:15Z

in the silence, i remembered this one time that i never told anybody about.
the time we were walking.
just the three of us.
and i was in the middle.
i dont remember where we were walking to or where we were walking from.
i dont even remember the season.
i just remember walking between them and feeling for the first time that I belonged somewhere.

youre as subtle as a brick in the small of my back.

2004-12-01T06:35:40Z

im going to start using my old livejournal davidleeroth for anything personal.
i deleted my entire friends list. so if you wish to be added ask.
ill probably still use this journal also.

www.livejournal.com/users/davidleeroth

cesspool_ineden @ 2004-11-01T21:56:00

2004-11-02T02:59:20Z

thought i ran onto you down on the street.
then it turned out only to be a dream.
i made a point to burn all of the photographs.
she went away and took a different path.
i remember the face,
but i cant recall the name.
now i wonder how whatsername has been.

seems that she disappeared with out a trace.
did she ever marry old whats his face?
i made a point to burn all of the photographs.
she went away and took a different path.
i remember the face,
but i cant recall the name.
now i wonder how whatsername has been.

remember, whatever
it seems like forever ago.
remember, whatever
it seems like forever ago.
the regrets are useless.
in my mind
shes in my head.
i must confess
the regrets are useless.
shes in my head from so long ago.

and in the darkest,
if my memory serves me right
ill never turn back time.

forgetting you, but not the time.

now i know how shes been.

im not saying that i do. i just wish that something was different.

2004-10-22T08:02:40Z

its 340am. i should be exhausted but im not. i have no idea whats been going on with my sleep schedual recently. its been tres bizare.

i still really hate girls.

i had written a lot more regarding my previous topic when i realized the most important thing about livejournals, you never say how you truely feel. never, under any circumstance is it a good idea to put your personal thoughts and feelings somewhere where others can read them. hell its gotten to the point where you shouldnt even tell other people how you feel.

so if i can give anyone who reads this two pieces of advice they would be:
keep your livejournal shallow.
dont ever tell people (besides the one or two people you actually trust) how you really feel.

also, before you trust someone think long and hard about what kind of person they are. dont let yourself get hurt and dont let yourself be used.

no math or french tomorrow cause of harvest fest!
mary ford we have to order flowers for mme tulou tomorrow!

it might sound like im the most angry bitter cynical person ever, but im not. im really happy. im more loved than anyone ever deserves to be. i have friends who i would do anything for, and they have shown they would do the same for me. i have the most amazing brother in the world. my parents are insane but they love me so much. and i have michael who loves me more than i ever thought someone could love another person. im happy. i really, really am.

cesspool_ineden @ 2004-10-18T04:01:00

2004-10-18T08:03:12Z

ps. i hate school

pps. i might hate girls even more than i hate school. check back for updates regarding this topic.

ppps. i got to hang out with james this weekend and that made me really happy. and i got to see danny and tim and that made me really happy. (michelle got to see danny. that made me happiest)

pppps.i got to see K!

a scale, a mirror, and those indifferent clocks.

2004-10-02T19:36:13Z

new livejournal layout. i was having an extreme conflict trying to decide if i was going to change the layout or delete the whole journal. ill probably delete it within a few days anyway. so whatever. messing with it was a way to pass the time. it seems as though thats all i ever do recently. try and pass the time between when i wake up and when i go to sleep. now that could just be because im very sleep deprived but it could be because school fucking sucks. who knows.

i went to the mclean/madison game last night with cara, zac, holli, zach, and anna. i had a really good time. singing to lots of really bad music, dancing and trying to be cheerleaders, zac and holli beating me up, and talking about sex at silver diner. good times.

i dont know why the fuck im updating. i fucking hate livejournal. someone remind me to delete my journal in a few days. oh and the only thing i hate more than live journal is when people call them "eljays" makes me want to kill them.

i dont have to wear my imobalizer anymore! i have a new brace i can bend my knee in. exciting.

im going to syracuse next weekend. ill be with michael saturday and sunday (YAY!!!!). then monday my dads coming up and he and i are going to look at ithaca and do the whole campus tour thing. then tuesday we're doing the syracuse campus tour and i have an interview. then wednesday we're driving to hamilton and going on a tour then coming home.

so far im applying to:
ithaca - top choice at the moment.
syracuse - just for the hell of it.
hamilton - major reach school.
university of delaware - safety but i dont really want to go there.
dickinson - can probably get in and i wouldnt mind going there.
university of vermont - i have NO desire to go but michaels making me apply. says i need another safety.
duquesne - was going to apply.. but it doesnt really seem like the type of place i want to be. also a safety.

so yeah we'll see. i need about 2 more that id really like to go to so i can knock some of the schools im not really into off my list. so if you have any suggestions, im looking more small (2000-6000 people) liberal arts schools. i wouldnt mind going to rutgers. but its HUGE and appearently ugly as all hell.

work to do:
english - the stranger paper - write before leaving.
ap euro - read how the scotts invented the world. write paper. read chapters 13 and 14. read packet.
math - book work and test corrections.
ap french - write paper on stereotypes.
college apps!

i figure if i write things in here it might help to keep me organized and remind me to do my work. but i doubt it.

this could be the longest entry ive ever written in this journal.

my mom just brought me food without me asking cause i hadnt eaten all day and she was worried about me. shes sweet.

yeah so im done.

cesspool_ineden @ 2004-09-25T14:38:00

2004-09-25T18:38:16Z

i dont regret a thing.

maybe ill catch fire.

2004-09-04T02:00:55Z

i just want this school year to start so it can be over. i cant wait to get the fuck out of mclean high school. after june 21 i am done with anything and everything mclean.

thank fucking god.

cesspool_ineden @ 2004-08-25T12:40:00

2004-08-25T16:40:46Z

hes gone.

now lets see if i can learn to cope without him.

oh and im having knee surgery tomorrow. this is a great week for me.

cesspool_ineden @ 2004-07-14T11:59:00

2004-07-14T16:01:59Z

so michael comes home in five days. thats exciting. divisional relays are tonight. thats also exciting. my grandmother was just diagnosed with alzheimers. not so exciting.

cesspool_ineden @ 2004-07-12T01:05:00

2004-07-12T05:05:50Z

one week. one week. one week. one week. one week. one week. one week. one week. one week. one week. one week. one week. one week. one week. one week. one week. one week. one week. one week. one week. one week. one week. one week. one week. one week. one week. one week. one week. one week. one week. one week. one week. one week. one week. one week. one week. one week. one week. one week. one week. one week. one week.

i had a good night tonight. im glad i decided to go out. it was nice.

i love sleeping while its raining. the sound of the water hitting the roof and window is beautiful.

pictures!!!!!!

2004-06-29T23:31:48Z

me and my michael =]

maggie and mary!

my two best friends

me and caroline at mary beths

realllllly cute couples at dinner

group at sam & harrys

mary and michael jansen

my girls <33

maggie mary eyad!

me and my mary

michael walking in at graduation

michael getting his diploma from the don

daniel being adorable in michaels cap

yay for nintendo!

mary and caroline!

me upside and michael at rohans

yay for pictures!

cesspool_ineden @ 2004-06-28T12:38:00

2004-06-28T16:38:40Z

michaels gone. everything is sad. i dont want to do anything besides curl up with him in bed but i cant. i cant even fucking talk to him cause hes off in the wilderness with no phones. im ready for him to come home now.

more on me missing michael later.

miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiichael!

2004-06-22T17:54:32Z

michael is here. its 145 pm and we just woke up. i love it. i think we're going to clyde's once i shower. i cant wait for my caesar salad. their salads are the most amazing things in the entire world.

summer is good. i like it. ive basically spent all my time with michael. and when michael and i arent alone we're with those other kids. caroline and rohan, danny and michelle, cookie and mary beth, james, tim, emmy. good times. yeah. i havent done anything.

michael leaves on sunday. thats the saddest thing ever. ever ever ever ever. hes gets back on the 19th. so basically time til then doesnt matter. if you want to save me from a lack of michael i would greatly appriciate it, seeing as a lack of michael could possibly be the worst thing ever.
=[
=[
=[
=[
=[

bahhhhhh.

i really like tofu dogs. and and and yeah!

prom pictures part one!

2004-06-14T01:58:28Z

michael and me being cute.

michael and me being cute some more.

michael and me still being cute!

and yeah i know those all kinda look like the same picture, but theyre not. those are some of the ones my parents took with the digital camera. they also took a whole roll of regular film. so did both michaels parents. and michael and i took two rolls of our own with the rest of the group =]
so more pictures when those get developed!

oh and prom was so much fun. our group was great. everyone looked so pretty. dinner was amazing. i got to dance with michael and see all my friends who werent in my group. driving around in the limo cuddling with michael and watching everyone else cuddle was one of the cutest things ever. cookies house was fun. there are no words to describe how amazing it was to wake up next to michael. and just hanging out with everyone in the morning was incredible. im so glad i was in the group that i was. and im especially glad that i had the date that i did. however great everything else was, being with michael was so much better.

your voice, like the sound of sirens to a house on fire.

2004-05-24T03:20:27Z

michaels back is getting better! and his mom told my dad how much she likes me! and i had a bagel! and im not going to first block tomorrow! and i made a new cd! and i love mary ford! and i spent most of the day with michael! and he makes me so happy...

=]
=]
=]

what else should i say? everyone is gay.

2004-05-23T05:15:42Z

im disgusted with life. i keep typing more and deleting it. i hate livejournal. i hate school. i hate that stupid oliver bite a huge chunk out of my finger. i hate hypocrites. i hate my english project. i hate french. i hate swimming and coaching. i hate that im being such a negative bitch. and most of all i hate that michael is so hurt he cant sit up. it kills me, im scared, and i just want him better.

on the bright side the alias season finale is tomorrow, i had a smiley face cookie, im going to school 2 hours late monday, mollys asleep on my bed, and im going to sleep now.

ps. i only update my livejournal when im upset and cant talk to michael.

nobody else can make me feel that things are right when i know theyre wrong.

cesspool_ineden @ 2004-04-06T00:58:00

2004-04-06T05:00:51Z

michael and i went lost dog, went grocery store, layed in bed for like 30 minutes and ate nerd rope before he had to go do passover stuff. i went first pilates class at six. it was exciting. then i ran some. then vaughan, warren, and i went tequila grande and coldstone. crazy shenanigans ensued. we later picked up andrew and warren and i took turns driving vaughans car. we also had a massive sex talk and idunno did other weird things. now im home.

i dont know what im doing the rest of the week. im hanging out with michael tomorrow til 445 and then all day wednesday but hes out of town rest of break. i have nothing to do. except reserve day which is saturday if im correct. vaughan/warren/k inform me of el plano.

the spot below my right temple is pounding. im really in the mood to listen to some minor threat. my lilies smell of so good. i really like nerd rope. i really want it to be tomorrow so i can see michael.

bruises on the fruit, tender age in bloom.

2004-04-06T04:32:12Z

i will move away from here.
you wont be afraid of fear.
no thought was put into this.
i always knew it'd come to this.
things have never been so swell and I have never failed to fail.

monkey see, monkey do.
i dont know why id rather be dead than cool.
i dont know why every line ends in rhyme.
i dont know why less is more, love is blind.
i dont know why.

i wish i was like you, easily amused.
find my nest of salt, everything my fault.
ill take all the blame.
aqua seafoam shame, sun burn with freezerburn, choking on the ashes of her enemies.

truth covered in security.
i cant let you smother me. id like to but it wouldnt work.
trading off and taking turns. i dont regret a thing.

kurt cobain
02/20/67 - 04/05/1994